A VERY SIMPLE METHOD TO REVEAL TO YOURSELF IF YOU ARE TRULY HELPING SOMEONE IN A HEALTHY WAY.
Ask yourself am I doing this to feel better about myself?
Do I feel a NEED to help others to lift up my own self esteem?
Am I always putting others needs before my own?
If the answer is “Yes” then it is time for self reflection.
Helping others in a healthy way is a natural consequence of feeling good about oneself.
You glow with an inner light. You are self loving and imbued with self confidence.
This magnetic energy IS contagious!
The formula is simple= I feel wonderful about myself and so naturally and with joy reach out to others.
My own happiness and good nature are like rain showers to the flowers of my friends.
The formula for a co-dependent, therefore unhealthy, necessity to help others= If I help this person then I can feel good about myself. I will, in their eyes, be important, a hero, a savoir.
I cannot say “No” because they won’t like me anymore.
A quick and simple test is doing personal inventory and looking for any control issues or resentment towards a person that you are so-called helping.
I know this because I have been there!
I have said:
“They didn’t take my advise!”
“They aren’t acting the way I think they should act!”
“I go out of my way to help this person and don’t even get a Thank you!”
When we do things from a place of truest self love and self esteem we don’t need a thank you.
We give freely without any thought of receiving.
The time I realized that this was a huge issue in myself was when I received Guidance from my Buddhist leader to chant/pray for my own happiness.
The first sign was I got angry at her! “This goes against everything I’ve been taught!”
She was so kind and patient with me and explained that:
If I felt happy I would naturally want to do Buddhist activities with JOY.
If I felt happy I would attract more money and finances and therefore would be able to encourage others and have the fortune to travel freely to visit and attend activities.
If I felt happy my smile would be a light to all my neighbors and friends.
I started to try to do this AND IT WAS SO DIFFICULT!
It was always much easier to focus on someone else’s problems.
It was an escape.
I persevered in praying for my own happiness and realized from the depths of my life she was right!
Everything became joyful. Helping others was so natural and easy.
My life started to bloom!
To read more about codependency here are some helpful links:
Still workin on it.get back to you later.
kisses to all love B.B.